New Year's Resolutions?

I'm not sure if I'd call it that. To start with, I made them a few days ago, closer to the winter solstice than the calendar new year. And they're not resolutions as such, just vague aspirations of habits it would be nice to get back into, and things I wouldn't mind doing.

One of the habits I want to get back into is being more creative. It is far easier to sit and read forums or play games or read books than actually try to draw or paint or knit or make or create. It's not laziness that drives it though, it's fear. What if what I do isn't good enough for me? What if I've lost whatever skills or talents I had? And if I'm as bad as I think I'm going to be it will be a waste of my "stuff" (paints, paper, beads, yarn, metals, all manner of other supplies) to even try. So I hoard supplies and feel scared to use them in case I don't do them justice.

This year I hope to get over it a bit more. I've been making slow inroads into it after coming off anti depressants last year. The ones I was on have a long half life in the body, apparently, and it's only been recently I've felt my brain starting to wake up properly again.

One of the things I thought might help with the process is something called Zentangles. Now I may well be one of the last people on the internet to have heard of them, but I found I book about them (One Zentangle a Day), had a very quick flick and thought it might help. I bought that book, and another (Zentangle Untangled), and determined to start in the new year. I like the idea of the doodle-design-drawing-things, but the books seem to exude an almost overbearing and cult-like enthusiasm for the whole Zentangle organisation (there's official patterns (tangles), accredited teachers, ready-made kits to get you started which is all a bit much for me. I will be working through A Zentangle A Day, but I have no plans to keep rigidly to its strictures about what paper and pens to use. Nor will I be cutting up decent watercolour paper to make into tiles to do it - squares drawn in smaller, soft-cover Moleskines (of which I have maybe too many) will do me fine.